WHY?

The question is why? But it's not the why you may be thinking. It's not why is this happening? Or why me? No...the why I am referring to is why I am not broken about my dad's cancer and why I have such a peace, and most importantly why I believe what I believe. From the beginning I said I would never ask God why, because this is life and this stuff just happens. God does not want this stuff to happen to us but this is the way the world is from the moment sin entered into the world in the Garden of Eden. So I never will ask why, but I have had some ask me why I've acted the way I've acted. Well let me start by giving my God all the glory and credit. I feel He has prepared me for this and is walking me through this every step of the way...and at moments even carrying me. Now don't get me wrong, I am terribly upset about my daddy being sick. I beg God every day to perform a miracle on him because I do NOT want to lose him. I love my daddy! However, I know the Lord may choose not to heal him on this earth and if that's what happens I am excited for my daddy. Why? Because on Easter Sunday 2001 my daddy finally accepted the truth about the Lord Jesus Christ. He walked from the back row of the balcony at First Baptist Church all the way down the steps to the very front of the church where he asked God to forgive him of his sins, and be Lord of his life. Romans 6:22-23 says, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." My dad finally accepted that he was a sinner, that he had made mistakes in life, and that he will forever make mistakes, but that our God is bigger than any mistake he has or will ever make. Romans 3:23, "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." Dad realized that God is a forgiving and loving God. We had told dad over and over for years that he's not in control of fixing his problems, that all he has to do is lay them before God and He will take care of them. That day, that Easter Sunday, that was the greatest day of my life. Prayer after prayer had been lifted up to God about my dad....and on that particular day, I watched my dad's heart walk straight into God's hands. Because of that day I do truly find excitement in knowing that at some point (maybe sooner maybe later) my daddy will also walk straight into God's hands.
Dad has a relationship with God now, and I believe it grows deeper and deeper every day. Why? Because my daddy told my mom that if one person gets saved and comes to know the Lord Jesus Christ through this, then every bit of it will be worth it. Now that's a man who knows God!
I must be honest, I think my dad is praying for some in our family that do not know God as their personal Lord and Savior. I pray that through this they do see what dad has, what he didn't have a short 8 years ago. I pray that they will find faith through dad's strength, and I pray that God will let dad see his witness completed on this earth.
Revelation 4:8 is one of my favorite verses. "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come."

Jesus is coming back and I pray that my family will all get to go with Him when He does. But for now, I know my dad will be going with him, and that's why...that's why I rejoice now.

A Son's Love....

I shaved Dad's head for him on December 26th, 2008. On the same evening Eric, Danny, Greg, Mark, and Tim shaved their heads for dad. On December 27th, they showed him. He was excited. What a humbling experience for everyone involved. This is the most loving display of empathy I have ever experienced.

Christmas Day 2008

Luke on his first riding toy.

Luke loves his Papa!

Papa loving on Luke.

This is Luke's first present on his first Christmas. I tried to put the pictures in order but they got reversed, so that's why this is the last picture.

Christmas 2008 was so much fun. We woke up at our house and opened presents, then went to my parent's house for breakfast, then to Eric's parents for lunch, then back to my parent's for dinner.

Dad seemed to enjoy his day but by the evening he was visibly worn out. I won't lie, with as much fun as I had, it was still a very emotional day. But again I must express how wonderful our God is. He helped dad feel well enough to be a part of all the Christmas fun, which is all we really wanted. We have lots of good pictures to remember the day by and lots of good memories.

Christmas Eve with Dad...My Miracle!

YAY!!! What a great picture above! This pic is the best Christmas present I could have asked for. Praise God for allowing us to get this picture! :)

Emma and Luke are watching Papa eat. Emma desperately wanted a bite of Papa's chili, but she couldn't, so she settled for eating my bowl :( lol

We attempted a photo with all the grandkids. We got the photo, but not everyone was happy about it :)

This ornament says, "BELIEVE". I got this for mom and dad.

Dad wore his mask for a little why to prevent catching anything....he later took it off because it was itchy and uncomfortable.


It's 1:15 A.M., I need to go to bed...but..I had to post something about tonight real quick! My dad DID come tonight for our Christmas Eve party! We had such a great time! Dad seemed in good spirits, the kids, had fun, the food was good, and Holly and I acted like 10 year olds..lol. The night couldn't have been better. Dad still didn't feel great, but he did feel a lot better than the last few days. Praise be to God for that! We got a lot of good pictures with dad and I think he really enjoyed himself. Thank you for your prayers and who knows maybe God will still perform that BIG miracle we are all so hoping for!

Merry Christmas!

Laura

There's Nothing Like a Bald Man....

My dad started losing his hair on Christmas Eve, so before dad and everyone came over Eric let me shave his head so Dad wouldn't feel alone. We couldn't get the complete bald look, but it's pretty close. Eric said as I was shaving his head that it was a very humbling experience for him. I of course started crying. What an incredible husband I have!

Christmas Miracle :)

Every Christmas Eve we have a birthday party for Jesus. My parents, Eric's parents, and Holly and her family come over. I was a little down because I wasn't sure if dad was going to be able to make it...but he is!! He was able to leave the hospital this afternoon feeling a little better. I'm very thankful he gets to come tonight and even more thankful that he doesn't have to spend Christmas in the hospital.

Please remember that Christmas is about Jesus...not gifts, or trees, or anything else. The rest of that is fun, but please take time this year to thank God for His son, Jesus. I am so thankful for my loving and mighty Saviour. God is so good, even in times of trial, He is faithful. I believe God is giving us a Christmas miracle. Maybe not the exact kind we asked for, but I think God made daddy feel better today so that he could enjoy Christmas with his family, and that's a miracle I will gladly accept.

Thank you for your prayers and please pray for my siblings as they will be traveling here to spend time with our dad. I pray that God will be with their safety and their spirits.

I Will Praise YOU in This Storm....

Dad is not doing well...at all. That's really all I can say right now. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I could throw up at any time...but all I keep thinking is that I WILL praise God in this storm because no matter what...my dad IS a Christian!

"I was sure by now God You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining As the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away And I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember whenI stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to you And you raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find You But as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord The Maker of Heaven and Earth." -Casting Crowns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ

Today is a Mountain top day!

God is good...ALL THE TIME! Whether we are in a valley or on the mountains, God is always good. Today is a mountain top day. Eric went to his nephrology appointment this morning and received good news. This is the first time Eric has received positive news since we found out his kidney disease was back in January. The test results today showed that Eric's protein levels had dropped slightly and his kidney function is still normal. Even though the drop was slight, it still dropped! Last time he went, the doctor said his levels had risen and that if there were no change or it had worsened by the next visit (which was today) then Eric would either have to go on a Chemo drug or a Stereoid...both of which have negative side effects. Praise Jesus! Eric will continue on for another month without having to try either of those medications. He will go back for more testing in January and then a follow up a couple of weeks later. With all that is going on right now..today..my spirit is lifted and filled with joy.

Thanks for your prayers!

My Husband....

For those of you who don't know, my husband is Eric. He is the love of my life. We met in 1998 through a family friend and my heart was his forevermore. We married July 21st, 2005.

Eric had full intention of joining the Marines upon high school graduation. However, he failed his medical test which led him to find out he has a kidney disease, called Glomerulonephritis. It went into remission in 2002 and we discovered it was back in January 2008. He has tried taking two different kinds of blood pressure pills to help reduce the amount of protein leaking into the urine, but they have not worked. Eric goes in tomorrow to discuss the latest results of testing with his doctor. If there has been no change the doctor and him will decide on whether Eric will go on a Chemo drug or a Stereoid. There are definite cons to both, so we are not thrilled to have to choose either, but the most important thing right now is to protect Eric's kidneys. Both medicines will lower his immune system which is not a good thing with him being a teacher.

Please join with me in praying for Eric and for healing on his kidneys. Pray that he will go back into remission.

Thank you!

I Want a Miracle for Christmas!

Christmas is less than a week away and the closer it gets the more emotional I am seeming to get. The actual thoughts that this could be my last Christmas with my dad is very painful. I love my dad more than you could imagine but the pain is not so much for me as it is for my children. I drove by my parents house the other day and let Emma out to go see Papa for a second. She ran in and straight to her Papa. He picked her up and she just hugged him and then just layed there with her head rested against his chest. Dad and I kinda of looked at each other and I could tell we were both holding back tears. Emma loves and adores her Papa and I long for him to watch her and Luke grow. Wednesday night was our church's Christmas program and as I looked around at all the parents and grandparents taking pictures of the little ones, I again felt the nauseating feeling that dad might never get to see Emma or Luke up there. Then it hit me, after several people had asked what I wanted for Christmas (and me replying nothing b/c presents this year just don't seem to matter) I realized what I do want for Christmas. I want a Christmas miracle! You may say, "Well that only happens in the movies." But Christmas is about Jesus, who walked this Earth performing miracles over and over. So I say it can happen! So this Christmas join me in praying that God will heal my father and perform that miracle that we are so believing in.

Honey-Roasted Nuts and Bolts

FINALLY!!! "Honey-Roasted Nuts and Bolts" that was the Before and After puzzle on Wheel of Fortune tonight that I finally got (beating dad to get it!) You don't understand, my dad is the Wheel of Fortune CHAMP! Him and mom used to play, seriously play, like it was nobody's business. I would always sit there and just stare at the TV screen thinking, "How does he do that?" There have been many times through the years that I have played, but have never beaten him to the punch...until tonight! :)
What a great night...Eric and I had gone over to mom and dad's tonight to put the tree up and get it decorated. Luke has a runny nose so we asked Jerry and Vickie Chandler if they would watch the kids, and they graciously accepted, and they even came to our house to do so! What a blessing! Well the tree gave us a run for our money, but the time spent with dad made me glad it took so long. I know he didn't feel great, but he sure did act good. We watched Wheel of Fortune and then Charlie Brown's Christmas. It was fun! At one point tonight dad mentioned that this summer he would like for all of us to go to the river and have a picnic :) So new prayer request! Please pray that we will be able to do that!!! He was so sincere in his request! It made me smile, but I also had to hold back the tears. I will be devastated if we don't get to go to the river. But we WILL, because God is going to heal Him. I truly believe this!
Dad has had a few good days. Saturday he went to Ryans to eat, Sunday he went to church, and today he went to IHOP. Tomorrow he is going to Watts Bar with a friend because Unit II is opening. He helped build this before they shut it down. He's wanted to see this for a long time. I'm glad he is going to get too!

So I know I'm just kind of rambling tonight, but I'm just so excited at the good days dad has had and the good time I had with him tonight. I wish Holly had been there, but maybe she can come tomorrow night. Eric and I are going back to finish decorating. So if there is anyone who would like to babysit, please let me know! :) I hate that I can't take the kids, but I don't want to take the chance of them getting dad sick. They aren't sick, but you never know when something is going to pop up!

Thank you for your prayers....remember pray for dad's strength, appetite, and for his picnic plans!

Look at all the Lights!!

Dinner, Dad, and Damage!

What a wonderful night! I had looked forward to this night ALL week. My friend Dedra, offered earlier in the week to keep the kids so I could do...well...anything I wanted to do. Well orginally Eric was scheduled to have a wrestling match, but that got canceled which made me all the more excited! We dropped the kids off around 5:30 and Emma was more than excited, she kept saying all day, "I go to my friends house; Josie! Kate! (and Anna of course)."
We then headed off to a free meal (courtesy of the CMS football parents) at Olivers..which by the way was delicious, I recommend the Shrimp Bake!! Eric and I had a nice time talking and eating (ALONE)..lol.
After dinner, I wanted to go spend some time with Dad. We stopped at Chick-Fil-A and got him a cup of vanilla icecream, but when we got there he didn't want it. I hated it for him, but Eric sure did enjoy it for himself :) It was such a nice visit, just to be able to sit and talk without any interruptions. Our neighbor Doris made Dad two different meals that dad had requested. Once he decided he was ready to eat, he only ate 4 or 5 bites, and his hand shook while he ate. That made me sad. He gave the rest to mom and layed back in his chair and pulled the blanket on top of him. He was cold. Don't get me wrong, it was an extremely nice visit, but I don't like seeing my dad like this. My dad is a strong, independent, if you want something done do it yourself kinda man. I held back my emotions tonight; there's no room for emotions when you are trying to breath every minute in. Emotions are for later. It is now later.
On a funny note...all though you may not think it's funny..but if you knew my dad's sense of humor well then you would understand...My dad said he didn't want to die a horrible, painful death, I told him not to worry, if he got to that point, I would just shoot him! He gave me a smile and a thumbs up! ;) Hey I'll do anything for a smile these days! LOL
After we left dad's, we went to Kohl's to attempt to finish our Christmas shopping. We succeeded, which is where the damage part comes in. I do still have dad left to buy for, but I haven't decided what to get him yet. I want something that will be practical for what he is going through. So if you have any ideas I would love to hear them.

All in all tonight was just wonderful!
Tomorrow Eric has class and then we are going to Rock City to see the Enchanted Garden of Lights...this will be the first year Emma actually understands what's going on! I cannot wait to watch her expressions and hear what she has to say. Everytime we see lights she says, "LOOK! Christmas!!"

The Fish are Lonely!

Tonight I was thinking about my father-in-law and all the great memories I have with him fishing. The early morning stops at krystals and before the sun comes up we are out in the bone chilling freezing river because somebody might beat us to the "spot". By early afternoon we have caught our limit and are on our way home with a cooler full. Once we get home Tim usually comes over to help Doug clean the fish. This is the routine that I would like to experience one more time. I would not care if I did not even catch one fish, but that would be very unlikely because Doug is the best fisherman. I was reading the Bible tonight and I came across something that made me think of him. Mark 1:17 "Come follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." As I continued to read Mark 1 and 2 it talks about how Jesus heals many. I thought this to be ironic that I was thinking of Doug and read the passage about Jesus telling Simon, Andrew, James, and John to lay down their nets and come follow Him and as I continued to read I read about Jesus' ability to heal. God made Doug to be a fisherman! He loves to fish and loves to teach people how to fish like him. I pray I have another chance to learn from the pro! I have a feeling the fish are becoming overpopulated with him on the sidelines. The fish must be lonely and having withdrawals from Doug's frequent visits. God please give Doug many more fishing trips before he has to lay down his net. You are the great Healer!

Mountain Elves

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

There's Always Room for Hope....

So a dear friend of our family sent us an email tonight explaining that her (follow me here) daughter-in-law's friend's dad has the same kind of cancer as my dad! Which is crazy because Cholangiocarcinoma is very rare! Apparently his doctors gave him 6-9 months and that was 4 years ago! Praise Jesus! Now I know that every person and ever cancer is different, but there is always room for hope! Amen?!!

Dad's cancer has not spread outside of the liver so let's just pray specifically for healing there and that the chemo will slow the growth rate. The chemo by the way did make dad throw up today, which makes me sad because dad hates and I emphasize HATES throwing up. I know, really, who likes to throw up?! But still, there are very few times in my life that I have known him to throw up. All in all I think he's doing ok....all things considered.

I went to church tonight...WOW, what a special place for me to be in such a time as this! I go to The Church at Grace Point and I truly believe that it is filled with some of THE most amazing people on this earth. Countless numbers of people stopped as they were passing by and asked me how I was and reminded me of the prayers they were lifting up on my dad's behalf. I have one family who lives in the neighborhood behind us who is willing and waiting to keep the kids if I need them too. I have another friend, well Dedra, who I've written about before, who is planning on keeping the kids Friday night so I can go visit dad and get some things done around the house. Then there's our pastor....my pastor...my friend. His name is Phil and I know he prays for my dad daily. Several friends have written me notes on Facebook and emailed me and that encourages me. It really truly is nice to know so many people care.

Now, as far as hope goes.... 1 Peter 1:13 says, "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."

What better way for Christ to reveal himself to many than through healing my father. That is my hope....

"I Wanna See Papa!"

"I wanna see Papa," Emma expressed as we drove down the road this evening. We were going home, but I quickly turned the car around and headed to Papa's.
Dad had a friend over so we didn't stay long but the time we were there was still precious. Emma ran in the door and ran straight to hug her Papa! What a beautiful moment.
Dad had his first round of chemotherapy today and tonight he was feeling it. He said he was not feeling well at all. He was still in good spirits, and he joked about how the kids are going to draw on his head with markers once he loses all his har. (Don't worry, when that time comes, there will be pictures!) Eric plans to shave his head too so that Dad won't be alone. I must say, I am not excited about Dad losing his mustache. The ONLY time I have ever seen my father without a mustache was when I was a very young child and he had some great idea to shave it off. I saw him and started screaming, "I want my daddy, where's my daddy!" I did not believe that that was him..lol. I guess I will be prepared this time, but I wander if Emma will take after me and share in my same reaction! :)
When I left tonight, Dad's friend was praying with him. What a glorious sight to see my dad with his head bowed and hands clasped. It doesn't get much better than that!

I'll Bring the Clippers....

Today's the day! Dad started his chemotherapy this morning at Memorial Hospital. I had a wonderful opportunity to pray with dad on his way to the hospital. That was nice. His appointment was at 9:30 and I called mom around 11:30 and she said dad would be in there for a couple of more hours. Dad seemed to be in good spirits, I asked him if when he goes bald if the kids could grab a marker and color on his head :) He replied, "I hope I'm feisty enough to let them do that!" I also told him I would bring the clippers over and go ahead and shave his hair off if he wanted me too, he said, "We'll see."

I'll update again this afternoon once mom and dad get home and I have a chance to talk to them. Thank you for your prayers. We must believe!

Pics of my Daddy

Coffee, kids, and good talks....

I have a friend, her name is Dedra, words are not enough to express what she means to me. We met through church, and we grew slowly (which I have decided is what makes such a dear friend). "Good things come to those who wait!" The Lord has molded our friendship and manicured it, He has taken the time to watch it grow and waited until we were ready to allow us to become what we are now. I treasure her, she is the one I go too, she makes me wiser. This is what friendship is....

Dedra came over today for lunch and brought her three beautiful daughters. Josie, Kate, and Anna. Kate is two weeks younger than Emma and I feel that they will become the greatest of friends as well. The kids played and Dedra and I talked. It was a nice time.

One of the things we discussed was dad....

Dad received the news we all dread two days before Thanksgiving. He has liver cancer. It actually started in the bile duct, it is called Cholangiocarcinoma. He went on December 5th to the Oncologist and they told him there is no cure and that he will probably only live 6-12 more months. Wow! All good things must come to an end..what I mean by that is I have never had to really face death or anything really tragic involving someone I care for and love so deeply. The time has come. I feel the Lord has been preparing me for this for some time. I pray that I make God proud through this.

How do I feel?

I desperately don't want my dad to die. I want my dad to take Luke fishing. I want my kids to remember their Papa and what an incredible man he is. But I will NEVER ask why! This is life, it is what it is...all I can do is pray for God's incredible healing and enjoy every second I have with my dad. I PRAISE GOD through this, He will NEVER leave me nor forsake me. I begged God for years to protect dad and to help him get saved. God protected him, he got saved, and so now regardless of what happens, my dad is and WILL be protected. God is good and faithful and mighty to save. All things work for the glory of Him. Dad is going to heaven...whether it be now, 12 months from now, or 12 years from now. How can I complain! I'm excited for him, it will ALL come alive to him, everything we have told him about heaven and God, all the things he understands and all the things he still doesn't understand, it will ALL make sense. Praise God! With that said, God is still in the miracle business, He is still alive, He is still on the throne, the doctors may have said 6-12 months, but God gets the final say. I ask that anyone who reads this will pray for God's healing power on my dad and in his body. I pray that God shows off what He can do. But if He chooses not too, well I will still Praise Him, because my dad will be with Him for eternity! :)

Dedra and so many other of my friends have already been so good to me through this....this is what the body of Christ is about...lifting one another up in love, in prayer, and in fellowship. I am a truly truly blessed woman.

What Am I DOING?!

Ok, so I decided to jump on the bandwagon and follow in suit of several friends who have recently started blogging. There is a lot going on right now in my life so I thought that this would be a good way to get information out plus it may even be a little therapeutic.

Plus I haven't really set down to write in a least 2 years because children take up a lot of time! So I am excited about working on my writing skills as well. I talk a lot so I'm interested to see if I will ramble in writing as I do in speech, lol, most likely!

Well I've taken the first step, I've set up my page (well partially) and I've written my first blog (wahoo!) but now I'm off to fix Emma her milk and breakfast and check on Luke. There will be more later.

Bye