Saturday, January 24, 2009
Time is Short, Make the Most of It!
Looking at my father today, I know that time is short. I truly believe we are no longer looking at months but mere days. I am ok with that, not because I won't miss my Dad, but because he is miserable, in pain, needs help to breath, can barely walk, and can hardly talk. This here is not my Dad. I will gladly give him up if that means all his pain will be taken away. This is hard, the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am making the most of it! He may not be himself, but he's still here for now, which means I want to do and say all I can before that too is gone. I refuse to sit in a bubble and feel sorry for myself. There is nothing to feel sorry for.....I am losing my father yes, but there are so many good days ahead, my life will not be over, and my dad's life will just be starting! Praise God for his faithfulness and goodness, his mercy and grace. God is good and he puts his hand on every situation we go through. He walks with us, and when we can no longer walk, He carries us. What a wonderful, majestic God we serve. I am so thankful that my dad serves him too.
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My Dad has been gone since 1974 but I can remember everything he ever told me. I used to cry because I wanted to swim that day and the sky looked like rain but Dad would look at the sky and say, “no rain today” and he was right. I remember he would rake leaves and let us jump in them. Small gesture, but much grander than the nice 10-speed bike I had received for Christmas. Dad could tell the weather by watching the wind blow the leaves on trees. He could tell a person’s honesty or personality, be it bad or good, by a simple handshake. He used to say “one day you will have insurance but can’t use it.” He was sure right on that one. Many times Dad would give his gas can to someone who had run out of gas in front of our house. Mom would chuckle and say, “you’ll never see that again.” Dad would just say, well that means he needs it more than me. Dad rarely got those cans back, but it taught me to be kind, forgiving and more than that always willing to help.
If you have any questions you want answered from your Dad now is the time to ask.. I once asked my Dad what he felt the first time he held me. He told me that when my first child is born that I would instantly have a love like nothing I had ever felt before and within the first seconds of their life. He was right. I tell every expectant parent that story and they never fail to say you were so...right.
I still pass on to my children and grandchildren sayings of my Dad. You will realize although you swore you would never say or do some things your Mom or Dad did, you will. Visit your Dad often, hold his hand and tell him how much you love him. I wish I had the opportunity to hold my Dad's hand again. You will cry and he probably will too. That’s okay. That means you both have feelings. Tears are God’s way of washing away some of the pain.
It will be the small things you will remember. And like any child, then teenager, I would tell my Father that I did not like him. This later haunted me until I realized when I became a parent that we parents love our children unconditionally. You will forget the bad times and only remember the good times.
I wish and pray very hard that God will grant a miracle for Doug. I have witnessed many what I call miracles in the last two weeks. For me, I have become a much stronger Christian. You are closest to God when on your knees in prayer. I find that I am praying harder and praying more for those closest to me. And....as Charles Stanley put so well, all this is God’s plan. Every thing that happens in life is part of God’s plan.
When small and I would complain about something my Dad would say, “no where on anyone’s birth certificate does it say “life is fair.” No, life is not fair - this is not fair. Not fair to love a father so much and want him to be here for you and for your children. It is not fair and my heart breaks for each of you.
We will continue to pray and we are here for you if you need anything. I had a wonderful chat with Debbie tonight. One that we both needed. You will find that your sisters and brothers will always be there for you. I pray for all of you that God will give you strength and that you will feel His constant love and know that His arms are wrapped tightly around you and in your weakest moments He will carry you through the darkest times and, as promised, He will never leave you.
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