Pushing Beyond Your Limits

There are many things that I have learned through this time in my life and many more things that I am sure I will learn as I press forward, but one thing I know for sure, is that when you walk through a time of difficulty especially one dealing with someone you love so much, you are pushed. I don't mean pushed a little, I mean pushed beyond any limit you thought possible. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could go as far as I have gone..everything I have known, everything I am has been pushed...and even though I'm exhausted, I keeping pressing forward...not because I'm the one pressing, but because God is pushing me, He's right behind me with his body pressed against mine, pushing and pushing and pushing...and when my knees start to give, He picks me up and we press on together.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

During the last two days of helping take care of my Dad, he has gotten visibly angry. He seems to get angry with me, but I know that's not the reality of it. I have always heard people in this condition get angry and somewhat violent. Dad does not want to take his medicine and still wants to get up at times. He has to take his medicine and if I'm by myself then he can't get up because I just not strong enough. So I force him to take his meds and he yells at me and grabs my wrists or whatever he can. I tell him I'm sorry and asks if he still loves me and he says, "No." It stings a little, but I know my Daddy loves me soooo much, this is just the cancer talking. This is one of the ways I am being pushed. I'm glad to be there to help Mom and to take care of Dad. He's done so much for me in my lifetime that I feel honored to help him prepare to leave this Earth and enter into Heaven. He told me I was a pest yesterday and has also said a few other things that I won't repeat. But again, it's not my dad, it's the cancer.

I must be honest...My heart has always hurt for people who have gone through cancer or have had someone close who has gone through it, but I have never really understood cancer. I mean it was almost just like another illness to me. Going through it now, I know it's so much more. It really is hell on earth. However I must also say, that I don't think you ever really get it until you meet it face to face. I pray that none of you ever have to experience it.