Westminster Bells Go Ding Dong, Ding Dong Dong

Last night Mom, Holly, Mark, Dan, Eric, and I got to go to Chili's for dinner. It was nice to get out and just have time together without having to directly think of everything that's going on. Some of Dad's friends had stopped by and graciously said they would stay and take care of him while we went out. The highlight of the night was when good ol' Dan started singing the song, "The Westminster Bells go ding dong, ding dong dong....." then my mom would start singing and he would say, "No that's not right, here let me do it and then you try again!" :) Aren't children great!!? They always make you smile!

So while we were gone Dad kept wanting to sit up and stand up, so the guys obliged. They got him up so many times while we were gone, it gave him some good exercise, plus it would good to see he had that kind of energy. When we got back the guys left after a while and it was Mom, Teresa, and I. Dad wanted to sit up so I told him he could but to not try and stand up because it wasn't safe. He said ok! In days past he would have kept trying, like he didn't understand. While he was sitting there he said he was hungry so Mom was able to feed him about 3/4 cup of applesauce. I think that's the first thing he had eaten in a couple of days!

Earlier in the day my brother called and I put the phone up to Dad's ear so he could say hi. Well, when I hung up the phone Dad asked for water....so I gave it to him. Well then he started calling for my brother.."Danny, Danny!" I said, "Dad why do you want Danny?" He said, "Because I need someone who is capable of giving me some water!" LOL Apparently I wasn't doing a good job (even though he was getting water and it wasn't spilling!) I thought that was funny, and Dad has definitely shown that he's still got his personality!

Pushing Beyond Your Limits

There are many things that I have learned through this time in my life and many more things that I am sure I will learn as I press forward, but one thing I know for sure, is that when you walk through a time of difficulty especially one dealing with someone you love so much, you are pushed. I don't mean pushed a little, I mean pushed beyond any limit you thought possible. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could go as far as I have gone..everything I have known, everything I am has been pushed...and even though I'm exhausted, I keeping pressing forward...not because I'm the one pressing, but because God is pushing me, He's right behind me with his body pressed against mine, pushing and pushing and pushing...and when my knees start to give, He picks me up and we press on together.

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

During the last two days of helping take care of my Dad, he has gotten visibly angry. He seems to get angry with me, but I know that's not the reality of it. I have always heard people in this condition get angry and somewhat violent. Dad does not want to take his medicine and still wants to get up at times. He has to take his medicine and if I'm by myself then he can't get up because I just not strong enough. So I force him to take his meds and he yells at me and grabs my wrists or whatever he can. I tell him I'm sorry and asks if he still loves me and he says, "No." It stings a little, but I know my Daddy loves me soooo much, this is just the cancer talking. This is one of the ways I am being pushed. I'm glad to be there to help Mom and to take care of Dad. He's done so much for me in my lifetime that I feel honored to help him prepare to leave this Earth and enter into Heaven. He told me I was a pest yesterday and has also said a few other things that I won't repeat. But again, it's not my dad, it's the cancer.

I must be honest...My heart has always hurt for people who have gone through cancer or have had someone close who has gone through it, but I have never really understood cancer. I mean it was almost just like another illness to me. Going through it now, I know it's so much more. It really is hell on earth. However I must also say, that I don't think you ever really get it until you meet it face to face. I pray that none of you ever have to experience it.

The Pearl

With everything else that happened today I almost forgot to tell you about the pearl. Saturday afternoon Mom told us about her doctor's appointment on Friday where when she was getting out of the car to go in she heard something hit the ground. She didn't think anything of it until later in the day when she realized her earring was missing. Well she asked Eric and I if we would go back to the parking lot and look for it. I, in a moment of selfishness, sighed as I was so tired and knew it would be out of our way when we left to go there. Well, we left, and went to see Mom-o and then without Mom knowing, we made our way across town to the doctor's office. I knew if I didn't go Mom would, and she didn't need to leave Dad. I knew we had a slim chance of finding her earring and even if we did it would probably be crushed. Eric parked the van and we got out. He started on one end and I on the other. I kid you not, I took two steps and looked down and there it was, a beautiful pearl earring, in perfect condition. We quickly drove back to Mom and Dad's and walked inside. I then told Mom, with my fist closed, that I was so sorry for being selfish, because if I had continued in my selfishness I would have missed out on a wonderful blessing! I then opened my fist and showed her the pearl earring that she had lost.

God cares! This rang true last night when I found a tiny pearl in a big mighty parking lot, completely unharmed. That earring represented each one of us...that in a big mighty world, in a big mighty universe, we are but tiny creatures, yet He cares and protects each one of us.

What a Mighty God we serve!

Humbling...

I'm over at Mom and Dad's house. Mom finally got Dad to sleep. I got on the computer and heard a noise. I ran into their bedroom and Dad was on the floor. I couldn't get him up. Mom called Tim (Dad's best friend) and he ran across the street and was able to get him up. Then we pushed Dad's bed against the wall so he couldn't fall out again. He needed to go to the bathroom, so we decided after that to take him to his hospital bed in the living room. We put him in it and put the rail up. He almost fell 4 times during all of this. He's asleep now.

I've never been so humbled in all my life.

Can I be real for a second?.....
This sucks!

Time is Short, Make the Most of It!

Looking at my father today, I know that time is short. I truly believe we are no longer looking at months but mere days. I am ok with that, not because I won't miss my Dad, but because he is miserable, in pain, needs help to breath, can barely walk, and can hardly talk. This here is not my Dad. I will gladly give him up if that means all his pain will be taken away. This is hard, the hardest thing I have ever done. But I am making the most of it! He may not be himself, but he's still here for now, which means I want to do and say all I can before that too is gone. I refuse to sit in a bubble and feel sorry for myself. There is nothing to feel sorry for.....I am losing my father yes, but there are so many good days ahead, my life will not be over, and my dad's life will just be starting! Praise God for his faithfulness and goodness, his mercy and grace. God is good and he puts his hand on every situation we go through. He walks with us, and when we can no longer walk, He carries us. What a wonderful, majestic God we serve. I am so thankful that my dad serves him too.

Pics of Dad

Finally! Some Good News!

Praise the Lord! I took Luke to see the doctor for his 1 year well check visit and what a great visit it was!!! Quickly for those who weren't aware, I shall recap. Luke has been a tiny baby from the beginning and a few months ago he had completely fallen off the chart in height and weight. We also found out that he was anemic. The more I fed him the more he seemed to spit up so were getting no where. Well through lots of prayers, things are looking up. His blood count is good, so he is no longer anemic and he has gained 2lbs!! He now weighs 16.8, he still is not on the chart in weight but he is getting closer! His height is now back on the chart, he is 28 in. which puts him in the 5th percentile and his head is in the 25th. And to top it all off....he finally got a tooth!!!!! We felt his gums this morning and low and behold there it was popping out of the top! We expected the one on the bottom to come through first so we were a little suprised at the top one, but hey we'll take what we can get! :) Oh Dr. Crabtree also said we didn't have to buy formula anymore, now that's a huge THANK YOU JESUS!! LOL That stuff is expensive. Obviously the formula was not the most important but it was still exciting to hear!

Dr. Crabtree is so thoughtful too, he decided to switch Luke's shots. He gave him his 15 month shots today and will give the ones he would have gotten today at his 15 month check up. The reason he did this was because the vaccines he was supposed to get today carry live viruses and he didn't want to take the chance of Luke giving dad the virus. I would have NEVER thought about that. What a great doctor to think about that!

I took Luke to see Papa after his appointment. Mom told me later that Dad teared up looking at Luke, which of course made me cry, but we'll make sure Luke always remembers his Papa!!!

Not Lost, Just Tired

Just wanted to let everyone know that I am not lost, I am just so totally and completely exhausted that I just have not found it in me to write anything lately. My sister has got more details posted on her blog...you will find it on the right side of this page with the blog name DAD and her personal blog is called Incompletely Unrelated News...so check hers out, they're good.

I'm going to make a quick list of the things that I want to write about so that I don't forget.

Mom-o and my week long hospital stay.
Dad and our talks.
My completely wonderful church and their prayers.
My completely wonderful husband and his hard work.

Maybe today I will find energy to want to sit down and write later on today but as for now, thank you for praying for my family.

Article About Dad.....

(Richard Simms wrote and published this article about Dad on Chattanoogan.com under the Outdoors section...I have copy and pasted it here for you because it is simply too good not to share..Thank you Richard)


A Friend Indeed
Don't wait until your words ring hollow...by Richard Simms
posted January 16, 2009

One of my first trophy cats shared with "A Friend Indeed."A good friend of mine is suffering. Cancer is the culprit and Hospice has been called.I won't say who it is... our mutual friends will know. For those who don't, it doesn't matter.What should matter is that you appreciate your own good friends who have shared special days and special memories.I met this man through another mutual friend who knew that we both had an interest in catfishing. After some encouragement from our mutual friend, and the regular "dance" that people do before sharing their hunting & fishing secrets... he invited me to join him for a day on the water.

It was a revelation. Until that day I only thought I knew how to catfish. For me, at that time, a 5-pound catfish was a behemoth. But this man showed me the ropes... the rigs, the baits and the places where truly big blues call home.The first time my rod tip bowed to the water, and I could barely move the beast from the bottom, I knew I had entered a new and incredible outdoor world. Since that first 30-pound blue was captured many years ago, catfishing has been my passion.My friend went on to teach me much more about fish, about fishing and about life. I relished our days on the water, although they were too few.I'd give a great deal to have some of those days back now... and I wonder if we will ever sit together in a boat again.I know that everyone reading these words has such friends. You think your days ahead will last forever.They will not.Enjoy them while you can... and tell your friends how much you care before the time when your words might ring hollow, or perhaps even go unheard.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same. - Anonymous

God is So Cool!

I stayed with my grandmother here at the hospital until 4:30 this morning. I had to go home because Eric had to go to work and Jack was getting dropped off at 8:00. Mom called me at some point this morning talking about how wonderful Mom-o's nurse is today. Her name is Sonya and she talked and prayed with mom. Mom said she just felt so blessed by this nurse. When Eric and I arrived this evening I was trying to find this Sonya to thank her for being so wonderful to my mom and grandmother. She came into the room and we met and then found out that we go to church together! Her name is Sonya Ownbey. Here's the cool part. I had been emailing our church's prayer link about Mom-o so people could be praying for her. Sonya had been reading these emails and kept thinking...."I wish I knew this little lady's name and whether or not she is at SkyRidge, so I could go pray with her." Little did she know that she had already done so!

What a blessing!!!

I'm Too Tired for a Title....

It's 12:36 p.m. and Mom, Holly, and I are just sitting here. Mom-o is still fighting. There has been no major change in her status. Her heart rate is still around 130 and her BP was 110/39 at last check. Thanks for all your prayers.

More later....

2:54 a.m. and counting....

Mom, Holly, and I are really not getting much sleep with IV monitors going off, nurses coming in and out, and listening to Mom-o breathe. Of course I don't think any of us really planned to sleep tonight.

Anyway, they checked Mom-o's blood pressure a little while ago and it had gone up considerably. Pulse rate still around 130. But her breathing is labored and gaspy. She is sound asleep though, so I don't think she is aware of her breathing.

More when it happens......

A Night to Remember

It's 12:40 a.m. and I'm sitting in my grandmother's hospital room with my mother and sister. Mom is in the glider sound asleep and Holly is on the floor, sound asleep. I am staying up for now watching my grandmother. Dr. Marcum said earlier that he felt like she may not make it through the night or at least through tomorrow. Of course he doesn't get the final say, but that was his experiential guess. Her blood pressure was as low as 88/29 but it has gone up a little as of last check. Her pulse rate has been steady at around 131. The nurses took her off the heart monitor, so if she does go they will not know....which is why I am trying to stay awake. She seems to be sleeping peacefully right now. Please pray that she stays comforted.

It has been an emotional night, but it will definitly be a night to remember. It is very special for my mother, sister, and I to be spending the night together. It really is quite a picture. It almost makes me laugh. There are 3 grown adults sleeping snuggly around a huge oxygen bed where my grandmother is lying. I feel certain that if you could see us, you would chuckle :)

So now that we're all laughing, let me tell you about my dad (you will get more in depth details from my sister's page if you want to go there after you read.) Mom and Dad went to see his doctor today for the CT results. In a nutshell, the doctor said he has 3-6 months barring a miracle from God. That's really all I have in me to say, which is why I am directing you toward my sister's blog. I will say this....PRAISE GOD MY DAD'S A CHRISTIAN!!!!!! :)

I would also like to publicly thank Craig and Lindsay Sluder for keeping our kids tonight. Eric was supposed to pick them up around 9 but then when I realized my grandmother was worse, they told us not to worry about the time. I think Eric finally got there around 10:30. I tell you, we have the most amazing friends any one could ask for. How encouraging to look around and see so many selfless acts being done for you and your family. I don't think I will ever be the same....and I'm glad.

Oh How I Love My Bed!

After 3 days and 3 nights of staying at the hospital with my grandmother, I finally got to sleep in my bed this afternoon. Let me tell you, I LOVE MY BED!! Thursday night I didn't go to sleep until about 5am and slept for about an hour. Friday night I slept in the recliner pretty much all night, that wasn't too bad. Then last night, Eric stayed there with me and I gave him the recliner and I slept on the wooden glider with my head on my grandmothers bed. My mom came about 9am and we went home and slept from 10am-4pm. I have never been so in love with my bed in my LIFE!!! :)

Mom-o (that's our name for her) has pneumonia and was only given a few days if the fluid was not drained. They were skeptical about performing the procedure because the surgeon was not sure if she could handle the anesthesia. After more fluid was found in her lungs they decided to perform the procedure. She made it through fine but is in a lot of pain still from the chest tube. They started her on morphine last night but have stopped it today because her blood pressure was so low. Holly, Eric, and I were there last night and counted her breaths. She was taking 9 per minute, that was a little worrisome. Today she has just slept. She has not been able to eat but we are praying that she will be able to once the tube is taken out and the pain lessens. I will either go back tonight or wait until tomorrow.

Dad had a ct scan last week and called to get the results as planned on Thursday. The nurse could not give him the results over the phone because the doctor wanted to meet with him instead. We do not think that is a good thing, so we are preparing for bad news. Dad and Mom go on Tuesday at noon for their meeting. Pray for strength for both of them, if the news is bad, mom still has to drive them home from Memorial, so please pray for their safety.

Dad also had 3.7 liters drained from his abdomen on Friday and was so excited about having room to eat and not feeling bloated. However the same day he developed thrush and sores on his tongue, so he still can't eat. Hopefully within a couple of days his tongue will have healed up.

Let me say this again....God is good! There have been several great things already come from this time in our family's life. I don't ever doubt the wonderful things that God is doing and will do through this all. I look forward to where God is taking us!

I also want to say thank you to all the friends that have shown such support during this time. The prayers, and calls, and emails, and food, and visits to see us at the hospital has been graciously overwhelming and I love everyone for it. I thank God for blessing us with such wonderful people.

When it Rains, it Floods....

Seriously!...

Mom woke up this morning to a real musty smell in the air, she immediately knew. The downstairs was flooded. They rarely go down there, so they had not noticed over the last few days of non stop rain. that water was creeping into the basement. There was no standing water down there, but the carpet was completely soaked. She called me to see if our church at a DryVac she could borrow. (With all the medical bills they are incruing, she was trying to avoid the costs of Stanley Steamer or some other water sucker upper). I called the church, holding it together at first for dear Charlene, but when she transfered me to Matt, I lost it. Upset because when it rains, it pours, and this time it flooded! I explained the situation to Matt and shared with him that there was furniture that needed to be moved and dad obviously can't do it and mom is not strong enough (physically that is, she's proven to be strong enough emotionally!). I asked Matt if there were any men that could come help my parents. Eric would have come, but today was his first day back to school and really didn't need to leave. Matt immediately said, "No problem!" He said he would get some guys and the DryVac and they would take care of it! I hung up the phone and laid my head in my hands and just sobbed. This for several reasons. 1)It's hard to call someone up and ask them to help your parents because it solidifies the fact that dad can't do it. 2) I was completely humbled over the graciousness of the men in my church and 3) During the conversation with Matt, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit so completely that I was able to just lay it there on Him.
1 John 3:18-20,24
"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but in actions and in truth. This is then how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence....
"Those who obey His commands live in Him, and He in them. And this is how we know that He lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us."

Matt, Jerry, Tony, and Lawrence would never do or say anything to bring attention to themselves. But I wanted to publicly thank them for being like Christ to my family. I pray blessings on them and their families.

Luke's 1st Birthday Party!

Luke's first taste of cake!

Luke riding his new buggy that Gammie and Papa bought him.

Emma jumped in at the last minute to complete our family picture :)

The beautiful cupcake arrangement that Lindsay Sluder made for Luke's party!

Kissing's Great......

Until you get mono!!! :) I'm not sure if I gave it to Eric or if he gave it to me but either way...it stinks!!

I had been aching all over for about two weeks and I finally decided to go to the walk in clinic on Dec. 27th. That was a mistake. The P.A. who came across as a Doctor with the white coat and all and never corrected me when I called him a Doctor, walked in, listened to my chest and told me, "You have a bug, here I'll write you an antibiotic just in case you're contagious." WHAT!!!?? I don't want an antibiotic unless I know what I'm taking it for. The main reason I went in was because I wanted to make sure it was ok for me to be around my dad. But I still would like for someone to tell me what's wrong with me. So I proceeded to ask the "Doctor" if he could do a CBC and a flu swab. He said they could check my blook but that he didn't think they could test for the flu there, then proceeded to turn around and ask the nurse, to which she replied, "Yes we can do that here." What?!! He didn't know the tests they could run? Ok so anyway...the CBC came back negative, as did the flu....so he walked back in and there again told me I had a bug. I was more than a little upset by this point...I walked out with utter distaste.

Two days later, I went in to see Dr. Voytik for my MRI results..which were good! I mentioned my achiness and exhaustion to him, he said I might need to get checked for mono. Since I don't have a regular doctor at the moment and felt like this was something I urgently needed to know b/c of my dad, I went to our kid's doctor and asked if he would test me. Sure enough the tests were POSITIVE! He told me to have Eric come in and get tested as well, and his were positive as well. Ok, so at this point I was irrate at the walk in clinic! This is something they should have known to test for...I could continue on a soap box about this walk in clinic, but I will leave this for your imagination :) Let's just say I hurried back over there...test results in hand!

So as soon as I got the result, my stomach dropped! What if I infected dad somehow? I mean I haven't kissed him or eaten , or drank after him, but what if the kids had gotten it from us and they gave it to him. I did not have the nerve to tell him, so mom did. So far he seems ok but mono has an incubbation period of 4-6 weeks, so we'll just pray that he stays ok!!

As far as Eric and I are concerned, well we still feel achey and tired. Eric was supposed to work with a friend all week and didn't get to do that...we've pretty much just been laying around as much as possible. Hopefully it will lighten up soon.

Ok so back to dad...
Dad had his 2nd round of chemo on Tuesday and seems to be doing well so far. He's had a few good days. He still has trouble eating but at least he has times where he wants to eat. I took him yesterday morning to the hospital to get IVs. It was a special time, that I'm so glad I got. We talked and laughed, and of course I cried. I tried for him to not notice but he finally did and he just held my hand. I looked around at all the people in there. There are so many people affected by cancer. I looked at the wives sitting beside their husbands and the husbands sitting beside their wives and prayed that they would not lose their mate. Then I saw the ones that were in there all alone and thanked God for friends and family who love us. If you are healthy and you have someone who loves you, take time to thank God today.

My grandmother, uncles, and cousin came in this weekend to visit with dad. I think that has perked him up a little...it's nice to see him laugh and smile.