What Defines Us?

What Defines Us?

This week I got the privilege to speak to a group of absolutely precious but troubled young teenage girls. They started off by introducing themselves and telling me a couple of things that defines who they are. A couple of the girls said they were nice but could be really mean, another girl defined herself as a brat. I asked them to go home and think about the words they used to describe themselves and figure out if that's really who they wanted to be......

What really does define us? Is it our choices, our actions, our mistakes, our achievements, or is it what others tell us we are?

Here's what I've learned....

Three years ago on Feb. 5, 2009 my father passed away from cancer. Up to this point my life really was pretty great...now don't get me wrong, I struggled with things, but things were really going just rather smoothly and I was happy. I told myself I was ok, I knew this was God's will, I knew that my dad was home, and I knew that this is life and death happens. But what I didn't know is who I really was.

About a year after my father's passing, I started struggling with his death. I became depressed...it was a gradual onset, and I knew it was happening, but I chose to sweep it under the rug and continue on like I was fine. I started becoming more irritable, more impatient, more angry, more bitter. I lashed out at things and people for petty reasons, and before I knew it I was spiraling out of control. Now I will insert here that years prior I had dealt with a bout of depression, not as serious, but depression none the less. Back then I also dismissed what was going on, but I did come out of it and life went on. This time however, I clung...no, not clung, I had a death grip on people. I reached out to all the wrong places to make myself feel better. I tried to control not only my every thought, action, and word, but everyone else's too. I did this because I knew I was losing control.

Now let me say here, this is not easy to write. I have pride like everyone else, and I want people to think I have it together...we all want that. But you know, who cares, let's be honest, who freakin' cares what people think....NONE of us have it together...so why not share with each other our true stories, our true feelings, and our true emotions...yes it's easier to get hurt this way...but it's our story. We may not be necessarily proud of everything in our story, but our story moves us in the direction of what defines us.

So, as I was saying, my depression started about a year after my father's death. The two years that followed...HELL ON EARTH! There are SO many things that I would change from the last two years, but I can't, but you know what I can do? I can move forward, I can learn from my mistakes, I can help others, and I can let God take the most embarrassing, utterly painstaking experiences I have ever dealt with and allow Him to make them beautiful.

As I sit here this weekend and reflect on the last three years, I am met with a great deal of sadness, but also a great deal of joy. I still struggle. I not only mourn the loss of my father, but I also mourn the loss of so many people that are no longer in my life, and lastly I mourn the loss of the girl I was before...I liked her :) I'd be lying if I said I was ok...I'm not, there are still moments of anger that I have to pray desperately hard to get through, but He gets me through it and I know one day those feelings will be gone. Now with that said, I do also find great joy in learning who I really am and who He is creating me to be. Knowing that my God is so gracious and merciful that He would allow me the opportunity to share my story with others. He has allowed me to look in a girl's face that is thinking of suicide and tell her she is not alone, and then get to tell her it will get better, but she has to be willing to fight like hell to do it. God is there and though it's not easy, He will bring her through it, but she has to be willing to cling to Him...no one else! And then I also find great joy in the people He has so faithfully brought into my life...the ones who know my story, know my weaknesses, my flaws, and still love me....and He has allowed my heart to be filled with love and excitement for them.

Life is a journey, or better yet a marathon. We smile, cry, sweat, fall down, get back up, want to quit, press forward, get dirty, get tired, feel alone, feel overwhelmed, stink really bad, and hope and pray that when we finish the race, there are still people left cheering us on. Of course even if we are the last one across the finish line and everyone has given up and gone home...we know that our Lord is still there jumping up and down in excitement for us because He never leaves, He is always there, He loves us, and He's proud of us.

So what defines us? It's not the accomplishments, or the mistakes, or the mountain moments, or the absolute disasters....it's what we do with all of that, it's how we press forward, it's our determination that no matter what, God loves us and no matter how long it takes we will "press on toward the prize for which Christ Jesus has called us heavenward."

That is what defines us.

One Act of Obedience

To be honest, my knowledge of the bible is very little. I have never taken the time to dive in and really learn. You can't grow if you don't learn, so that's what I did this week and this is what I learned....

I started in Galatians 1 and 2 and then moved over to Acts 9....here's what I've got so far....

My opinion of Paul, before this week, was that he was like Jesus's right hand man....you know, was "there", had reached the mark...and even though I knew he had a former life that was not so great, I still thought Paul was "special"....not like us normal people that have to work and strive so hard to grow in our relationship with Christ. I thought it was easy for Paul.

(It's amazing what a little reading and little studying will do for your perceptions and knowledge)

So in Acts 9, Saul is out to destroy christians. Then the Lord shows up, throws Saul to his knees, blinds him, and sends him to the city to wait. (I am dying to know what is going through his mind during this time)

Then there is this unknown, insignificant (by the world's standards) disciple named Ananias. The Lord, in a vision...not in person, but in a vision tells Ananias to go to Saul, touch him, and restore his sight. Now, I am really dying to know what's going through this guy's mind....how about, "YEAH RIGHT LORD, the second he sees me he's going to want to kill me!!" The Lord says, "GO!" So Ananias obeyed....not fully knowing that this ONE simple act of obedience would change the world. ---sidenote--- How many times as christians do we look at people and think they are way to dangerous, or way to lost, or way to "not like us" for us to obey God and reach out to them. We don't do it because we are scared, or uncomfortable, or whatever the reason may be....one simple act of obedience can change EVERYTHING....and the worst person out there could possibly be the future of God's plan...but we don't know until we obey.

Fortunately for Ananias it all worked out, he obeyed, and Saul was restored and conformed...forever. Nothing else is mentioned of Ananias (which is driving me crazy, because I would love to know if he ever found out exactly how God used Saul..now known as Paul.

Why did God choose Paul? Why not choose someone who wanted to do the Lord's work? Because...WOW...if God can use someone like Paul...who hated him, hated christians, arrested christians, murdered christians...then think of how he can use me, or us! THIS is what God's grace can do!

So then I ask myself, well how long did it take for Paul to start preaching and spreading the gospel? I mean, did he sit and dwell on all the horrible things he did, and have a pity party for himself b/c God is so Holy and he is so unworthy? I don't know if the bible discusses that anywhere, but what it does say is that AT ONCE Paul started preaching in the synagogues that Jesus is the Son of God. (Acts 9:20) That right there is how it should be done. You sin, God forgives, God restores, You GO!

So what about Paul's past? I mean how in the world did he move forward preaching God's Word with such a reputation of hating and killing christians? Obviously he had to show by example, people had to see the fruit. But he also talked. He had to share his testimony repeatedly so they would believe him and follow Christ. Paul gave his testimony to a crowd of angry Jews (Acts 22:1-2), to the Roman governor Felix (24: 10-21), to King Agrippa (26:1-23), and to multitudes of people who questioned him in Rome (28: 17-29). I realized here that yes, once Christ changes your life, people want to see your actions, they have to see your fruit(Gal 5:22), but they also have to HEAR what Christ has done to fully understand what is going on.

Now my last observation on Paul this week is that he was Saul as a Jew and then became Paul once he was converted to Christianity. My question was why. My first thought was because the name Saul was distracting people from hearing the gospel. So many people knew of his past and knew what he had done, that they seemed more interested in hating him and wanting to kill him than they were in listening to what he had to say (Acts. 9:29) Maybe if he started going by Paul, people would hear the gospel before they had time to realize who he was. Now my bible says in the sidebar, "Like many Jews, Paul had two names, one Jewish (Saul) and the other Graeco-Roman (Paul). Just as immigrants today sometimes change their names to assimilate with their new land, so Paul began to use his Graeco-Roman name as his missionary team moved into Gentile territory." I would like more information on this topic.

So it's been a deep week! LOL My opinion of Paul is not the same.... Yes, he was special....but so are we...and there's no way it was easy for him...but he knew that was his calling and nothing else mattered, so he persevered and set his mind on the goal. What a testimony!

Dancing with the Angels....

I was driving to my Mom's house the other night when I started feeling very sad and emotional. I hate feeling this way before I get to Mom's because I don't want to upset her. I decided to sit in the car for a minute to collect myself, when this song came on the radio (Praise God for Christian Radio). The song was Dancing with the Angels by Monk and Neagle and as I sat and listened to it, instead of continuing to cry, I actually began smiling and rejoicing for my Dad. I decided at that moment that I wanted to make this video. I hope you enjoy. The bridges in the video are in Destin where my Dad LOVED to fish from....they are special.

Thank You

I have said it before, and I will say it again....there are not enough words to completely express the magnitude of what I feel towards my church family and to my friends. The utter selflessness and generosity given to my family over the last few weeks has been breathtaking. We are truly blessed to know each and every person that has stepped in to help us. I pray God's blessings on each person and their families. People have babysat, cooked, run errands, provided meals, cleaned our homes, washed clothes, sat with us, cried with us, talked with us, prayed with us and most importantly loved us. After the funeral and burial so many people brought food for our family to the church and then several people were there to help serve us. What we witnessed then and throughout is God's love through His people. I wish there was more I could do or say, but for now all I know to do is say THANK YOU!!!!!!

I am completely humbled!

Laura

Dad's Funeral Arrangements

Dad's visitation will be Monday 2/9/09 at Grissom Funeral Home from 2-4pm and 6-9pm. The funeral will be at First Baptist Church of Cleveland at 11 am on Tuesday the 10th. Dad will lie instate at the church from 10-11 for viewing. The burial will be at Sunset. All Dad's family is invited back to my church (The Church at Grace Point) following the burial.

After the burial we will all drive back to First Baptist and then then drive together over to my church.

If you have questions email or call me.

Laura

Dad and Arrangements

My dear sweet dad went home to be with the Lord at 9:45 p.m. Thursdsay night (2/5/09). He went calmly and peacefully. We thank you for the prayers, cards, phone calls, food, etc. We are truly blessed to have so many friends and family!!

We do not know times, but the visitation will be Monday and the funeral will be on Tuesday.

Praise Jesus for not giving up on my dad!!!

Love,
Laura

Go Ahead and Prepare....

If you live out of town and are planning on coming to Dad's funeral, go ahead and start packing...this way you aren't rushing around when we call you. Hospice said today Dad could go at any minute. Dad looks very peaceful and is resting. Continue praying for his comfort and quick trip home :)

God Bless!

Love,
Laura